The Wearing of the Cream

K. J. O'Rourke, 10th May, 1981
Oh, Mother's Day is a lovely day
I think we all agree
When families get together
For a very special tea.
They deck the festive table
With white crysanthemums
And go to lots of trouble
Just to show they love their Mums.

Soft music plays, the family speaks
Of happy days gone by,
And all those tender memories
Bring a tear to every eye.
Good will abounds on every side
The atmosphere is sweet;
At least that's how it seems to be
When normal families meet.

Let me tell you of last Sunday
And you will plainly see
That things are slightly different
For John and Molly T.
Did they eye each other fondly
With mutual affection?
No! They promptly started talking
Of the coming State election.

And as they argued pro and con
One thing led to another
The bookies taking bets on John,
But me? I backed his Mother.
She's a tried and true campaigner
Who has never lost a fight,
For nothing can constrain her
When she knows she's in the right.

"So you admire the U.S.A.
You dote on Uncle Sam."
Said Molly as she donged him
With a large cold leg of lamb.
"Take that," she cried "for the P.L.O.,
And this for the I.R.A.
Don't argue with your Mother
On her very special day."

His sweet and gentle maiden Aunt
Looked on in fear and awe,
As she saw her favourite nephew
Lying - prone upon the floor,
"What next" she sobbed, "will happen?"
And watched in fear and dread,
As Molly raised a sweet dish,
And plonked it on his head.

As John peered through the globs of cream
And strawberries graced his brow,
He saw his Mum as in a dream
The Mum of then and now.
He sat there musing on the floor
On his head was a cut-glass dish.
"Oh! Where is the Mum I used to know
Who bowed to my every wish?"

He will long remember the way she won
The war of the Tenth of May,
All in the spirit of good clean fun
It was truly Mother's Day.

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